You Would Make a Good Wife

Hey there old people enthusiasts! Sorry I have been MIA for awhile. October has been out of control! Three weddings, two trips out of town, planning a special event comedy show, performing in multiple shows, three volunteer gigs at Second City, and multiple other engagements have left me with no extra time. Plus, this whole "Mercury in retrograde" business was REAL, and totally threw me and the old people through a loop. But rest assured I have been documenting the cute stories and have a whole bunch for ya!

These last few weeks in the home have been very tiring. I am convinced that the goings on with the solar system greatly affect people, especially the old ones. The thing is that the moon affects the tide, and we are made of mostly water, and when you already have problems with your head, such as dementia, it can really screw with your body and brain. For example, on the day of the lunar eclipse, Kentucky couldn't even speak. All she did all day was cry and frantically look around as if she didn't know where she was. When I would ask her questions, she literally couldn't form words, and she didn't recognize anyone. The next day, she slept ALL day. These things happen when people have these types of conditions, but it really gets extreme when the solar system is out of whack!

However, once that passed, I had a couple of really good days with Kentucky. 1 - I got my first kiss from her. 2 - She told me she loved me first, without me having to say it to prompt her. I walked in the room one morning and her eyes lit up and she exclaimed, "There you are! I love you!" 3 - The next day she said, "Hi! I love you! Where am I?" Haha! So I have started spending a lot of time trying to convince her that she lives there and that it is a good thing that she does. It really seemed to be working, even other staff noticed that she didn't say anything about going home for a couple of weeks. However, unfortunately,we've had a couple of set backs with that this last week due to some people telling her conflicting info to try to calm her down, not realizing that it is the wrong approach. But I am working on coaching them, and working more with her on it, and hopefully repairing the damage that has been done. As a result, now, she thinks I am lying to her when I tell her she lives there, and it makes her very angry at me. It is frustrating that poor judgement on other people's part put me back at square one, but I refuse to give up.

Kentucky has had some of her classic witticisms though! Here you go:
1 - Me - "Whats new with you?" Kentucky - "I guess this is now."
2 - Normally, I say "I love you," and she says, "I love you the most cause I'm the oldest." However, on a particularly foggy day for her, I told her I loved her, and she looked and me and said in a very confused manner, "I love you too. I'm much older than you."
3 - Me - "What are you thinking about." Her - "Having a good fling with 'The Intern'"
4 - We were talking about The Three Stooges and she says (about Curly), "I'll take the dumb one"  Me - "Why?". Her - "You get by with a lot of stuff."

So something that really bothers me is having a dirty face. I am constantly working on my skin care, and when I look at the residents, I notice a lot of them are not having their faces properly washed. So I brought in some all natural aloe facial cleanser wipes, and I have been going around and cleaning their faces.Which leads me to one of my favorite things that happened when giving them these mini-facials. I was cleaning a man's face, and one of the women sitting there said, "You would make a good wife." I joked, "My ex-husband didn't think so!" They, of course, laughed!

But this is part of a larger self discovery. I guess I already knew some of this to be true of myself, but the job is reinforcing it. I am HIGHLY independent. And I tend to expect the same out of all people I consider to be healthy and capable people. Therefore, I tend to have no patience whatsoever for most people, which is to my detriment. However, pretty much all of my patience is reserved for people who cannot do things for themselves (except kids, still haven't figured out why on that one), so I feel like I have this endless untapped well of unconditional love, patience, and support for these residents. I am just truly lucky to be able to do this, and excited to continue learning things from them and about myself!

They are needy, demanding, irrational, and dramatic (a lot like children), but for some reason, I totally love it. I think it is just because they have lived this whole big long life and have worked really hard and now it is our turn to take care of them. But I am still trying to figure out all the reasons why this works for me. I am still reflecting and in discovery mode. They really do let you know when they need something. From "Lorna Doone" (the 98-yr old who loves Lorna Doone shortbread cookies") wailing and yelling, "My bottom is burning!" to "Patsy" getting furious with me because she wants new socks, more bobby pins, different eyeliner, new shoes, and more red lipstick. And calling me a "bitch" because I wouldn't take her outside when I was trying to get everyone to church. To Kentucky trying to slap me and calling me a "liar" because I am telling her this is where she lives. I spend me whole day calming people down. Which calms me down. I don't know why. I suffer from anxiety and depression, and I tend to have the ability to get worked up very easily, but working with these guys helps me forget about my own shit. For some reason, I have always been the type who is able to calm myself when others around me are freaking out. For Lorna Doone, I came to her side and asked her what was wrong. Since her "bottom was burning", I decided she needed to get off of it and go lay in bed. For Patsy, I took her outside later that day and had a nice long conversation with her about all of her cosmetic needs, and she ended up being pretty happy with me by the end of the day. And for Kentucky, I will just keep giving her hugs and kisses, telling her I love her, and trying to make her comfortable in her new home. The act of calming others, calms me.

I will end this post where I ended the day last week. I was doing trivia with them, because they LOVE trivia. And one of this quizzes had trivia about hugs and kisses. Once of the questions was: "What is a 'bear hug'?" One of the residents answered correctly, and then I asked her if she wanted a "bear hug"? She did. Turns out, ALL of them did. So I went around the large circle giving each and every one of them a big bear hug. Even the lady who sits in the corner, doesn't want to be around people, and doesn't speak wanted one. When I gave it to her, she kissed me on the cheek.