"I love you the most, cause I'm the oldest."

Either the moon cycle was on my side Tuesday, or I am doing something right (or maybe both), but the residents were in GREAT spirits on the 3rd floor! (Wednesday and Thursday I was on the 4th floor. These were very tiring days, and I did not have the energy or time to write anything down).

We started out the day with a live performance from a musician from the Old Town School of Folk Music. He played Johnny Cash, Ernest Tubb, and Ricky Skaggs on his banjo and guitar. The days tend to go pretty well when we start out with musicians, it seems to calm the residents and put them in better spirits. Additionally, it makes my day easier because that is activity time where I don't have to do anything. The musician was hired by a family member of the 4th floor (the dementia floor), but we are able to bring 3rd floor residents up to listen, as well. So the majority of my involvement consists of making several elevator trips full of wheelchair/walker/oxygen machine Tetris designs.

As you can imagine, Kentucky LOVED this! Her favorite genre of music is country western. The previous week when the musician was there, he asked for requests, and she requested Ernest Tubb. He didn't know any, so he promised her he would learn one, and play it the next time. He delivered, and she was glowing! He printed out the lyrics and asked her to hold them for him. Her usually shaky hands were completely steady for the 4 minutes he played while she held the music up for him. She looked up at him from under her pink ball cap adoringly the whole time. Her eyes sparkled, the grin did not leave her face, and she sang along knowing every word. I think this speaks to the immense power that music holds over people. She cannot understand that she lives in this home now, she can't remember how old her kids are, she needs to be reminded of my name every day, but she knows every word to this song. She recalls the nights spent with her family in Kentucky singing these songs around a campfire.

All of the residents enjoyed this lovely performance. It seemed to put everyone in a good mood. During the performance, I keep my eyes on the residents to make sure they don't need anything. For instance, a dementia patient who gets out of their chair that shouldn't. Or a resident who frequently needs to be taken to the restroom. But today, the issue I noticed that I needed to address was a 4th floor resident, who kept grabbing a 3rd floor resident. So the 4th floor resident is a gentleman who loves the ladies, and misses being able to have that kind of "affection" so to speak. Well he happened to be sitting next to my 3rd floor resident who I have mentioned is the "Queen of Junk Mail." We'll call him "Tiger." So every time he would grab her chair, grab her hand, or grab her leg, she would look over at him. In this day in age, being as protective as I am of women being accosted by men, I immediately reacted. So I went over there and pulled his chair over a little bit, every time he reached out, I stopped him, etc. After doing this a few times, he seemed to be done, so I walked to another part of the room to address another issue. When I looked back over, I saw the Queen of Junk Mail reach out and grab Tiger's hand, and hold it and smile. They sat there for several minutes holding hands and smiling. Turns out, I wasn't protecting the ladies, I was being a HUGE cock block!

The thing is, the physical ability to be affectionate may have diminished quite a bit, but the desire is ever present and just as strong. I know I have mentioned how affectionate Charmer is with me. He holds and kisses my hands, he tells me how pretty I am, and on Wednesday he told me I was his girlfriend. I have to be careful to make sure that he doesn't get the wrong idea, and I work at making sure to maintain a professional demeanor about it. I think I must remind him of someone from his past. He gets a huge grin on his face and a sparkle in his eyes whenever I come around. He had been so depressed and hadn't been eating anything until I started spending time with him. Now he seems to be doing much better because he has someone to talk to and flirt with. However, on Tuesday, I was wearing my hair up, and in the middle of a table discussion with all of the residents, he very candidly blurted out to me, "I don't like your hair like that. It makes you look older." My response was, "Well I am still A LOT younger than you!" which got a laugh!

Patsy also has a never-ending drive to pursue affection. As I have mentioned, she loves primping, fixing her hair, and putting on make-up. In the last post I mentioned her horrible outburst in the beauty shop. Well the next day, Tuesday, she was in much better spirits. She had combed and fixed her hair to her liking, and was ready to go. She loves to be told how pretty she is (who doesn't?), but when you tell her this don't say, "you look really pretty today." You will be met with the response, "Don't I look pretty everyday?". So, anyways, I stopped by her room on Tuesday morning to see if she was doing any better after the Beauty Shop Meltdown, and I told her how pretty she looked. She explained to me that she was glad she looked nice, because she is "looking for a boyfriend". Later in the day, I turned on some music to which her and I danced around the day room together. Then all of us sat down at the table together and she seated herself next to a new guy and proceeded to flirt with him. He did not seem to appreciate her advances. I feel you Patsy, what's a girl gotta do around this city to get a date?! Geez! Make-up, hair, dancing, these men just don't appreciate us! ;)

I ended my day with them in one of the most memorable and cherished activities yet. Technically, what I had to do with them for the day was over. We had someone coming in to do a project with them, and I was just putting them back in their spots, listening to music, relaxing, and chatting with them. I was sitting at a table with a couple of residents, and Patsy came over from her table and asked if she could join us. Then others wanted to start joining. This is unusual. Usually I have to initiate putting the tables together and gathering everyone to sit around it with each other. On this day, they were requesting it. Typically, at this point in the day, Kentucky, wants to sit in her recliner and go to sleep. She has no interest in joining the group. However, today, when I asked her if she wanted to join in, she was very eager and enthusiastic to come sit with all of us. We all just chatted and laughed and told jokes. At one point, Sweetie Pie said something very sweet (I don't remember what), which prompted me to tell her just how sweet and kind she was. I then took that opportunity to go around the table telling everyone what I liked about them, giving them compliments, and focusing on their strengths. This made them happier than I could have imagined. One resident, this tiny little Japanese woman who never goes anywhere without her Word Search Books, was grinning so fiercely and blushing uncontrollably and giggling when I complimented her. Then one of the compliments I gave to Charmer, was telling him what a beautiful singing voice he has. I asked him to sing us a song. He sang us every word to "I Left My Heart in San Francisco." Everyone sat and listened and enjoyed and clapped vigorously when he was done. This whole experience has been one of the most cherished moments I have ever had.

After it was all said and done, I was putting people back in their spots for their evening news. I put Kentucky back in her recliner, and told her I loved her. Her eyes shone, her face brightened, and she smiled and said to me what she always says to me, "I love you the most because I am the oldest." What I learned today from all of the affection, love, flirting, laughing, hugging, and hand holding is that at the end of your life, you may have forgotten almost everything, but you NEVER forget how to love or stop needing it. As you get older, you learn how to love better, more unconditionally, the way these residents do. And you also need it more than ever, just like a little baby. I don't know if it is possible for Kentucky to love me more than I love her, or more than I love any of them, but they are definitely teaching me about the true meaning of it.

At the end of my day, when I got downstairs, I realized something, for the first time since she has lived there, not once, not one single time, did Kentucky say anything about wanting to go home.