Old People Really Love America

So now that this is a blog, I feel a weird pressure to start writing some sort of daily masterpiece. Which I am too busy with my comedy schedule to do. So for the time being, I am going to keep writing it, as if it is a post on Facebook. Then maybe after awhile, I can start to develop a more "bloggy" style.

Today's nursing home tales:

1 - Hopefully, by now, we are starting to recognize who "Kentucky" is. She is a sweet, Southern gal, who is often sad because she wants to go home and her family doesn't visit. You could say she is my "favorite". We are forming a special bond. I have been asking her if I can be her honorary "adopted daughter." She always says, "yes." I have been doing this because I am hoping at some point, she will start to think of me like a daughter, so then it will start to feel like she has a visitor 5 days a week.
     I have also mentioned that I have a little shoulder shimmy I do to make her laugh, that she calls my "sexy dance." Well today, when I walked in the room, I said "Hey girl heeeeey!" Then I did my "sexy dance." Well as always she laughed and her pretty blue eyes sparkled, but on top of that, for the first time, she said "Hey Girlfriend!!" And then mimicked my "sexy dance" and started wiggling her shoulders back at me. We did this several times throughout the day today.
     Later, I walked into the room, and I said, "Hey girlfriend!" And she said, "Hey girlfriend, I love you!". I said "I love you too!". She said, "I love you more, because I am older."
     Her afternoon was a little more rough. She gets really depressed and anxious in the afternoons. But I put her in her recliner, hugged on her, and rubbed her hands. Then I pulled up her hometown newspaper on my phone, and read her the stories. Then she fell asleep. This all prompted the nurse to tell me that I am "just so sweet.". I said, "I love being here and love them probably more than they love me and love me being here." She said, "I don't think so, they really really love having you here."

2 - The gentleman who I have mentioned likes to try to woo me, let's call him Charmer, was very sleepy today. It was quite rough to get him to wake up for any of the activities. Well there is a resident on the floor, who I described on FB awhile back as, "Loves to look at herself in the mirror, wear red lipstick, and chase men. I don't understand a word she says, but I 'get' her.". Well it turns out she is schizophrenic. She has major mood swings and can be very volatile (again, doesn't sound that far off from me.) Well she is constantly flirting with all of the men on the floor. Today, when I couldn't get Charmer to wake up, I noticed that she leaned over and kissed him on the shoulder. Then later on, when I was trying to get him to wake up for church, she asked me if she should "go over and kiss on him so he would wake up?" It's like having a magical mirror to my future!

3 - On Sunday's, we wheel them all downstairs to a worship service. There a wonderfully kind and amazing female chaplain, who gives a lovely general Christian church service. Since I was brought up in a church, I am not religious but I am spiritual and I believe in God, and because I am just a participating lunatic, I sit there with them, and follow along, and sing my little heart out! (Other assistants just sit back and watch, which is more than fine. I just choose to get in there with the residents. I mean I might as well get paid to work on my salvation ya know?)
    Last week the chaplain mentioned how much she appreciated me singing along and what I nice voice I have (she is a woman of the cloth so she is kind, but I didn't think they were allowed to lie! ;) ) This week, she approached me after the service, and again told me how much she appreciated my participation, and what I lovely singing voice I have. She then asked me if I would like to do a solo sometime. She thinks the residents will really enjoy that. Oh goodness! What have I gotten myself into? We all know that I will stand on stage and bare my soul and tell every deep dark secret about myself in the form of jokes. But singing in front of people? That is downright terrifying!! But I said "yes." Cause you know what, these ppl are hard of hearing and half asleep anyways! So why not!:?
     She asked me if I have any favorite hymns. I do. It is "On Eagles Wings". But that is a funeral song and I think these ppl having to listen to me sing is punishment enough. I shouldn't be singing funeral songs to them, ya know?

4 - Speaking of singing! Today, I had the whole room break out in song! Let's back up! So these old people really love America! We listen to music all of the time. Every time I turn on the CD with patriotic songs on it, they all get really excited and enthusiastic about it. They are some of their favorite songs. Well today we were playing sports trivia, and a question about the Star Spangled Banner came up. One of the residents loves to sing, especially songs about America. So I took that opportunity to ask her to sing it for us. She started singing loudly and proudly. Well after a few lines, I encouraged the residents to join in, and I started singing it as well. Like a row of dominoes, one by one, every one in the room started singing along. By the end of the song we had everyone in there singing loudly! It's hard to explain how cute that was to watch. Everyone's eyes were gleaming, and they were just so darn happy about it.
     It's weird what a difference there is between their generation and my generation when it comes to pride in our country. I wonder why? I have to say, that I love their glass half full approach to things. They watch the news everyday, they read the newspaper everyday, they understand it all. They aren't shielded from anything. I certainly don't think things are perfect, or even close to it. A lot of bad shit happens all of the time. But, for me, it is just so nice to be around people who keep a positive attitude and carry a sense of pride in what they have helped build. I mean, if anyone is gonna be a Negative Nancy, I would think it would be wheel-chair bound, denture-clad, nursing home residents. But they are not. Not even one bit. They see those glasses of thickened water half full!